This week, my son, who is 20, broke up with his girlfriend. Or she broke up with him. I’m not sure which it was, I just know she packed her things and moved out within a few hours. I heard about it first on Facebook.
I got to hear what a jerk my son is, what he did to make the girlfriend mad, and how she was right, so right, and no one in this world was every right! I got to hear how awful she was, how he was right, how she was jealous and unreasonable. I got to hear this not only from the two of them, but from their friends who responded to their post with “me toos” and “I always knew he/she was a jerk” and etc. If there’s anyone who doesn’t know about this breakup, I don’t know who it would be.
I know that friends lists will be trimmed soon, and I will be off the girlfriend’s list, and that will be that. But there seems to be such an intermingling of “friends” on these friends lists, that there will still be posts I will see, or at least responses to posts that I will see, and I will still know what is going on and being said.
There’s a song out now with a refrain that goes something like this: “Haven’t you ever heard of closing the door?” Facebook is very much like standing naked in your front yard, or living in a glass house. Everyone can see you, and see around you. No matter how limited your friends’ list, there are invariably people seeing things about you that you never really intended for them to see.
It is so hard to explain to my kids what to post and not post on Facebook, and how they should watch what they say, whether it is in a text, on a social networking site, or face to face. Nothing is really a secret, if you’re talking about it in even a limited public way, and when it’s in writing, it can’t be taken back. And people will find out things about you, true or not, through all of that talking, texting, and posting.
We know our young people engage in risky online behaviors. But our only recourse is to continue to watch, and continue to guide, and hope for the best. The horse is out of the barn at this point, there’s no putting it back in. And I like Facebook, I just am not sure most of us are responsible enough to use it properly.